Once "birth family" and "adoptive family" arrange the level of openness they will share, then comes the challenge of sensitive communication. We currently send quarterly updates to Hakon's birthmother. Our first update was pages long and included abundant details of his growth, development, and adjustment (as well as pictures). I learned it can be a daunting task to convey your own emotions while still respecting that you cannot fully understand hers. After exposing myself to the stories of many birth mothers, I want to avoid any assumptions about her thoughts and feelings. Yet, I have so much warmth and care for her that I want to share.
I thought posting the last few paragraphs of our first letter might help other adoptive parents as they search for words:
(From 1st quarterly update-- closing paragraphs)
I couldn’t possibly express how much we adore and love Hakon. He has changed everything and turned our world upside down—all for the better! I tell my friends and family that “parenting is the hardest job I’ve ever done,” and that “nobody can prepare you for it no matter what they say.” It is also the biggest honor and privilege that you chose us to raise him. He has become so much a part of our lives...it is hard to imagine that just 2 ½ months ago, we were still waiting for you to find us. What a beautiful boy you've made!
My prayer for Hakon everyday as I hold his little body is that he will know how much he is loved-- by God first and foremost and then by all of his parents. My deepest desire is that we will raise him to know how valuable and loved he is. I pray he will grow to understand God’s overwhelming and passionate love and acceptance of him. I pray that he will grow into a man that grasps and digests life’s complexities with confidence. We pray that he will know God had a plan for his life since the beginning of time—a life with “hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11) .
My prayer for Hakon everyday as I hold his little body is that he will know how much he is loved-- by God first and foremost and then by all of his parents. My deepest desire is that we will raise him to know how valuable and loved he is. I pray he will grow to understand God’s overwhelming and passionate love and acceptance of him. I pray that he will grow into a man that grasps and digests life’s complexities with confidence. We pray that he will know God had a plan for his life since the beginning of time—a life with “hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11) .
Thank you, (birth mother's name) for your part in that plan.
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